Monday, June 28, 2010

Two Brides, Two Very Different Approaches

As some of you may recall, the Mister's sister got married at the beginning of April, and we have another wedding coming up in two weekends where the Mister will be serving as the best man.  We were heavily involved in getting everything set up for his sister's wedding, and we will also be doing this for the wedding coming up.  But that is where the similarities end. 

For his sister's wedding, she gave a list of things that need to be done to her informal "Day of Coordinator" (a.k.a. the Matron of Honor's husband) and that's it.  Word spread around that help was needed in getting everything ready and people showed up, asked him how they could help, and went to work.  Everything got done on time and we were no worse for the wear.  Okay, I was a little worse for the wear - I changed into flats before the ceremony even started.  There were a few occasions where he couldn't be found and people had questions for him,  or people wanted to help but didn't really know what to do, or her instruction weren't clear so we had to wing it.  But for the most part I'd say things went off without a hitch, and the Bride was certainly happy with how everything turned out.

On the other hand, I got an email the other day from the Bride for the wedding we will be attending in Colorado in two weekends.  It was a detailed timeline of events and tasks starting the Thursday before the wedding and going straight through to the day after the wedding.  I know exactly what is needed of me, when it needs to be done, and who will be helping me with it.  Based on this timeline, I can plan ahead a little better.  For example, I know that I am responsible for transporting all of the flower arrangements and linens from our hotel to the reception space after the ceremony (there's a 3 hour gap between the ceremony and reception) so I might want to change outfits to avoid getting dirty/sweaty in my nice new gettup

I've yet to decide which approach I think is better for our wedding.  From the perspective of a helper, I kind of like the more detailed approach better.  But I don't think it's necessary for our wedding because we have a full 24 hours to get everything ready (we check into the cabin at 4 p.m. on Friday and the wedding starts at 4:30 on Saturday).  Maybe a hybrid approach will work - assign tasks to specific people but not necessarily time frames for when it has to be done. 

What kind of approach to organizing your helpers are you taking (if you're taking one at all!)?


kristininjapan said...

I am a very organized person, so I think I'll be more detailed when it comes to making timelines and assigning tasks. The only thing is, we don't have a wedding party so I feel bad asking my friends to do anything for the wedding since they don't have official "titles". Luckily everything for our backyard wedding is low-key and we will have plenty of time to complete everything, like you! Hope everything goes off without a hitch!

jacin said...

i am so OCD it's not even funny. i am looking forward to making a schedule of events but have to hold myself back because of how badly i would get made fun of for doing it - so i put the info in an email instead :)

Cinnamon said...

I just found your blog and this post is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I'm getting married next year and I'm gonna try to do a lot of the wedding and reception decorations myself, and while it would be easier for me (and cheaper) to have a friend do it I think it's kind of inconsiderate to expect a friend to take care of everything for me, stressing out and not getting to enjoy the wedding. My fiances sister got married a few years ago, and their mom was so busy trying to get everything put together she practically went nuts and didn't get to sit down and enjoy the day. I think paying a day of coordinator to take care of everything (that's their job), with lots of detailed notes, pictures and a meeting beforehand it makes things a lot easier and enjoyable for everyone. I admire you for being able to keep it all together, that's the sign of a good friend!

Great blog! Keep it up :)

Erica said...

@ kristininjapan

Oh, I only have a maid of honor - no bridesmaids for me. And my friends have been very clear that they have no problem helping out, so I am capitalizing on that big time.

@ Cinnamon

I agree that putting everything on one person is no bueno. I figure that since we have a good group of people who can each help out a little, it won't be so stressful on them. Plus, I'm really trying to enlist the help of others for set up, but once the party is started I don't want anyone to feel like they are working.

jacin said...

re: comment on URI - REALLY? throw some names out there, i'm sure we know people in common!

PartyPlannerGal said...

I think the detailed approach will work better for me and my Type A personality. I'm hoping to not have to ask too much of my bridesmaids, and we are paying a little extra for the DOC package that comes with our venue. I'm meeting with my Maid of Honor this weekend to finalize some stuff, and I'm trying to set up a meeting at our venue for next month to discuss all the logistics.

Thanks for all of your great comments on my blog!

D. Marie said...

When I was in my MOH's wedding she gave us a timeline and it really helped to know where we were supposed to be and what we were supposed to be doing at a certain time. I think its great if needed. For our wedding my MOH and my stepdaughters were all at our house and I woke everyone up for our hair appointment and drove us to the venue to get ready. And I told my husband that the guys and him had to be ready by a certain time!

It was easy because it was a small wedding party. The florist got there on time and we had our ceremony and reception at the same place. The staff at the mansion was so great in moving the flowers from one room for dinner to the next for dancing! Whatever works best for you.

nicoliolihpf said...

I'm all about the detailed approach. It's one of my Bridezillaish tendencies. But along the same lines, I also intend to be there for the set-up, and I'm going to TRY to keep it minimal the day of, so hopefully we won't need too many instructions.

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