This epiphany came as I was thinking back to a conversation I had about a month ago with one of my newly engaged friends. She had just shown me her dress online and then the topic of garters came up. I said I wasn't going to wear a garter and she just had this look of disbelief on her face. She tried to persuade me by saying "but you can get a blue one and then it can be your something blue" to which I responded, oh, I'm not doing that either, and her look of disbelief grew into a look of horror. Looking back on this conversation then lead me to remembering all the times we've met some resistance to our tradition-bucking ways or heard a tinge of disappointment in someone's voice when we tell them that things aren't going to be as they expected.*
Then I started browsing the email I received the other day from a friend who is getting married in a week and realized how much effort she has put into all the details for their wedding. There will be gift bags awaiting us at our hotel, there will be a basket of flip flops for dancing, there will be bubbles for the exit from the church and sparklers for the exit from the reception, there will be framed family photos adorning the guest book table and, and, and.
The result of all of this is that I ended up feeling like a slacker bride and questioning whether deviating from the Wedding Formula will be worth it in the end. As strong and independent as I am, people's opinions do matter to me. I normally won't change my decisions because of those opinions, but it still pains me to know that people don't like or understand what I am doing, and causes me to second guess myself. Would it kill me to do a damn bouquet toss and garter toss? No. Nor would it kill me include any of the other ingredients in the Wedding Formula that we've omitted. But it's not what I want. And I'm already including so many ingredients of the Wedding Formula in our wedding that I could do without simply because the Mister wants them or omitting them is not worth the hurt it would cause (and I'm 100% okay with that). If I added back in all the things that we've omitted because they don't matter to us and just blindly follow the Wedding Formula, I would feel like our wedding is a performance for our guests instead of a deeply personal celebration of our relationship and commitment to each other.
Long story long, I'm struggling with fear that our guests are not going to understand our wedding and the decisions we've made to carefully craft it to be a true reflection of who we are. Instead they'll just see a lazy bride who didn't want to spend the time or energy to do the things she's supposed to do. Or worse, a bride who just doesn't care. I really wish I had someone in my real life (other than the Mister, of course) who got it. But I don't, so I turn to the blogs. So thanks for being there.
*Though, I'd like to clarify that by and large our families have been very supportive of our decisions. I'm not trying to paint a desolate picture here. It's more like a lot of little things adding up. Plus, for the most part they get over the disappointment when they realize they like what we've chosen to do instead. It's just that initial resistance/disappointment to not following the Wedding Formula.